Waiting for information about anything is difficult. Waiting to know if you 'passed' the test, the necessary hurdles, &c is worse. Triple that if you are an anxious anxious worrying anxious person. Who can sleep?
I understand that patience is a virtue but the perpetual "Am I good enough?" button is firmly and repeatedly getting pushed. I shoud know better, and stay away from competition of all kinds, I am not laid back, and it does mean something, at least to me, if I do not make the cut. I did not overthrow my entire life to participate in competitive crap, especially as a poet. Am I taunting the Olympian gods by trying my luck once more after winning the first round? Are my offerings good enough? See, I intend to be 'Great,' but these times of enforced waiting encourage one to beg for smaller portions: 'good enough. '
I just want to get in. Buy a bit more time to write, think, write, think. Write.
I know it has nothing to do with Karma or Gods or Goddesses or God. I am not praying, but all this hoping is getting to be a bit like it. Striking bargains like a good catholic, but with the fates, not an higher power. My muse is very sluttish when it comes to getting her way. For instance, I wrote a very slutty sonnet (indeed) as an Ode to Poetry the other day. Not publishing it here, as then I can't get it published elsewhere...you'll have to wait for my chapbooks dear readers...which will arrive shortly...
Maybe, by day's end, I will have some news to report. She's licking her lips in anticipation. I'm fretting.
fingers & legs crossed!
